I have lived in the desert sands of Iraq and Kuwait since 2009 but I have never felt as if I was in a desolate state until about two month ago. After my Single Single Life post I was so excited about the next season GOD had for me. I knew that the enemy was not happy that I had decided to give GOD my ENTIRE life so I spent more time with GOD and HIS word daily. I was thirsty for HIM and knew that I needed to study the scriptures on guarding my heart. During this time I was taking a much needed trip to Dubai and decided that I would study "Putting On the Full Armor of GOD" during that time. Well yea that never happened......Dubai was great and I spent time with GOD daily but I didn't study like I wanted to. A few weeks after being back in Kuwait I was crying every day......I was lonely and miserable. I felt like I had nothing to give anyone and the next emotion that came was anger! I became mad with GOD that I was alone......I blamed HIM that I was single. I was mad that HE chose me for this celibate life. I felt that if I wasn't celibate I would be in a relationship, I would not be alone, I would not be sad. I quickly knew that these emotions were not of GOD and I became tired of the on and off again crying spells so I turned back to the WORD because I find it to always be true. I studied scriptures on being chosen and I read 2 Peter 1:9 and other scriptures that encouraged me and helped me to gain focus back to who I am in CHRIST!
Today I am still single and alone BUT I am working hard everyday not to feel lonely. Let me tell you it is hard but I know that GOD chose me for this journey for a reason. Last week I was reminded about the scripture 1 Corinthians 7:34-35. So I have been getting back to the things GOD has called me to do. Everyday I am having to rebuke the spirit of loneliness and guard my emotions. I have to even guard my emotions around my male friends or coworkers because I am in a sensitive place. I don't want to form an emotional relationship with someone because I am lonely. I find that it can be dangerous so I make a conscious decision to keep my conversations to a minimum.
Now I busy myself with things of GOD and seeking out the plans HE has for my life. I know that this season is only preparing me for the next season. It is my prayer that I come out of this season stronger and wiser. I pray that I learn from it and don't make the same mistakes again. AMEN!
Ohh......I finally studied Putting on the Full Armor of GOD and HE reminded me that during an attack of the enemy that I am to stand firm on HIS word that I am to know the word so I can speak it against my enemy. GOD says when the enemy comes to get in a fighting position like a boxer and fight the enemy with the WORD of GOD. He reminded me to gird up my loins...my GOD my GOD! When the enemy comes I am to stand.... not sit.... not bow out.... but stand....with the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, my footgear to spread the gospel, my shield of faith, my helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Holy Spirit (the word of GOD).
Blessings
A'Keta Julinate'
