I Smile

Whew.... the last couple of weeks has been rough for me. I have been feeling alone and a desolate place but a few days ago I woke singing Kirk Franklin's "I Smile" and I knew that it was GOD's way of letting me know that everything was going to be okay. Today I continue to smile and trust GOD through this season.

1 Peter 2:9

Blessings

A'Keta Julinate'

Happy Birthday Mama!

Today I celebrate an Awesome Woman of GOD, A Mother, A Minister, and A Friend to many. Today is my mom's (mumbles age) bday!

I am always thankful for the relationship I have with my mom. When I woke up this morning I was reminded of the relationship we have had over the years. I blog a lil about it here. No we have not alway been close and yes we have had our knock down drag out I am never talking to you again fights but one thing she has always said was I am always your mother and I will always love you with the love of GOD and she has done that very thing.

Growing up I was always close to my grandmother. We shared a special relationship and whenever I had an issue I went to my Ma she always made everything better. We talked daily sometimes multiple times a day. After my grandmother passed I had a conversation with my mom about my grandmothers death and how everyone was dealing with it. My mom said "Even though you were close to your grandmother and will miss her dearly you still have a mother...I am still your mother but my siblings and I we know longer have a mother."

That conversation really made me think. Yes I would miss my grandmother (my eyes are tearing up even writing this) but I still have a mother who loves me. Today I talk to my mom daily either through email or on the phone. I am thankful for the relationship that we have today and I know that everything comes on GOD's appointed time.

At this appointed time I am thankful that my mom is not only my mother I am thankful that she is my minister. She ministers to me on a daily basis. She not only speaks life into me she tells me about myself when I am wrong. My mom has never been one to bite her tongue so I love how she does not sugar coat things for me. She does not pacify me and holds me accountable. She prays for me daily and intercedes on my behalf and because she is so connected to me she knows when I am sad and going through something. She praises me when I do well and tells me she loves me ALL the time. She covers me!

My mom isn't just my minister and protector she is also the same with my brother and sisters (to include my sister n law). She gives each of us what we need and never seems depleted. I am thankful that is a child of the Most High and is able to get restored daily because my siblings and I are a handful (LOL).

So today I celebrate this Awesome Woman of GOD, A Mother, A Minister, and A Friend to many! I love you Mama!

Blessings
A'Keta Julinate' 

Grateful

The last couple of weeks the choir at church has been singing Grateful by Hezekiah Walker (listen below) and whenever they sing the spirit moves. There is not a day that goes by that I am not Grateful for my relationship with CHRIST! This song reminds me of how much HE loves me. In this season I am in learning to trust HIM with all the issues of my heart and I am so glad that HE shows me who I am and then restores me. MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD!

Psalm 136:26 Give thanks to the GOD of heaven, for HIS steadfast love endures forever.

Romans 5:2-5 Through HIM we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of GOD. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because GOD’s love has been poured into our hearts through the HOLY SPIRIT who has been given to us.

Blessings

A'Keta Julinate'

Single Single....Life

I have gone back and forth trying to decide if I would write this post. I was not sure if I wanted to be so candid about my life but I am reminded that GOD blesses and delivers you to bless and deliver someone else. So......

September 4, 2004 I stood in front of my family, friends and GOD and married a man who I thought was the love of my life. Today 8 years later I am divorced and single. When I got married at 27 I NEVER thought that I would be single at 35.

When I decided that I wanted to start dating again it was hard. I can remember telling my brother that this whole dating scene was not what I wanted. I had dated my ex husband for about 3 yrs before we got engaged so it was difficult for me to step back in the dating scene. I can be honest and say that when I decided to start dating again I wasn't seeking GOD for the man HE had for me. I was still growing in CHRIST...AMEN! So needless to say that my relationships were short lived and usually sexual.

In April 2011 I finally made the decision to stop talking to a guy that I really liked because he was not willing to make a commitment so I decided to take a break from dating and focus on my relationship with GOD. I was tired of giving so much of myself (physically and mentally) to others. I knew that if I seeked GOD HE would pour into my spirit.

After about 9 months of not dating and spending time with GOD I met someone who I thought was good for me. I can remember GOD telling me one night as I was sitting on the end of my bed that HE was going to send me someone that truly loves me. HE reminded me of my relationships with my girlfriends. He said you feel love from them...right? I sent them to you....Surely I will send you a husband that will love you. I smiled and thought well GOD you sent me someone already....

Little did I know then that GOD was telling me that guy was not the one. I talk about my disobedience of that relationship here.

Today...right now as I am writing this I am enjoying being single. Last week I was emotional and really feeling the blues that I am 35 single with no biological kids of my own. I wanted to write this post to say I struggle with being single and really giving up control of the relationship area of my life. Wheeew.....saying that out loud is freeing! WOW

I TRUST GOD with every area of my life EXCEPT the relationship area. I have given GOD every area of my life EXCEPT the relationship area. I don’t stress over anything EXCEPT the relationship area. I go to GOD about every area of my life EXCEPT the relationship area.  I need a moment after writing that....

This makes me sad! I am telling GOD that HE is not good enough to handle my relationships. It is like me looking HIM in the face and telling HIM that I don’t trust HIM enough to get it right. Like I can do it better....

That is clearly not true! Hello that is why I am divorced and single because I had my hands in the mix ALL this time. I need to let go (exhaling) and KNOW that HE is GOD! 

My declaration to GOD: I throw up my hands and surrender to YOU GOD! I am giving YOU EVERY area of my life to include the relationship area. Like YOU said YOU did great in sending me the BEST girlfriends (LOVE YOU LADIES) YOU will do the same when it is time to send me a husband.

Until then I will continue to allow YOU to mold me and shape me into YOUR masterpiece. I will stay out of my own way and TRUST YOU GOD!

During this transition I will not concern my time with dating or finding a husband but with pleasing YOU As Paul discussed in 1 Corinthians 7:34 An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. (Read 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 in depth).

When I feel myself getting emotional I will draw closer to GOD and remember that my JOY comes from HIM!

Again I pray that my words blessed someone as it always blesses me to be real with my feelings and GOD!

Blessings

A'keta Julinate' 

Life's Journey

Last Tuesday my Brigade Commander decided he wanted to run a 5k in honor of the Coast Guard's Birthday. He sent out an invitation for everyone to join him. I thought it was a good idea since he was new to the unit to be inviting to others but I was dead set against running. On Friday the day of the run the Commander came in and he was so excited about the run but I still stuck to my word that I was not running. By late afternoon I had changed my mind and was excited to sign up for the race so I could get a t-shirt and show support to the unit.

The run started at 7pm and it was at least 105 degrees and dusty outside. The wind was blowing and it felt like a hot blow dryer (yea....a blow dryer). Once I got to the race I got excited and started looking for familiar faces amongst the masses. I wanted someone that was going to run and walk the race with me. Well when the race started I found myself alone (Some people ran ahead of me and I ran ahead of some people). I was full of energy and in good spirits when the race started off but soon the heat started to beat me down. It was at that time that GOD began to reveal to me that in the natural I was running/walking a race but in the spirit HE revealed that this was life's journey. HE began to show me that the heat, the dust, the wind, and the incline were obstacles in my life. HE said you are going to go through some things…your run/walk with me is not going to be easy there are going to be somethings that will come against you but I AM THE LORD THY GOD!  When I got to the 2nd mile I was too done and over this 5k (LOL) but then I saw a table that had cold water bottles and as I grabbed one GOD said "just when you want to give up think of that water bottle as my word. The word is there to sustain you as you continue on." During the run there were individuals who encouraged other runners/walkers along the way either through words of encouragement or by running behind their battle buddies to keep them moving and motivated. GOD reminded that HE places people in our lives to do the same thing to push us, to encourage us, to cheers us on. MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD! As I got to the 3rd mile I was really hating life and wishing I could just go to my car and call it quits. That is when GOD really began speaking into my spirit. HE became the ultimate encourager. HE gave me the extra energy to continue on. I pushed past the pain, the heat, and the exhaustion and kept going. As I hit the track to run the last lap the Commander was there to push me harder and finish the race strong!

How many of you know that this is what GOD does for us everyday? HE wants us to win at this thing called life. HE wants us to seek HIS word. HE wants us to be encouraged. HE wants us to listen to HIS voice and seek HIM! 

HE WANTS US TO FINISH STRONG!

Exodus 20:2  
2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Blessings   

A'Keta Julinate'

  

Disobedience

Around this time last year I was in such a good place with GOD. I had made a decision to have an intimate relationship with GOD and allowed HIM to pour into my spirit. I gave HIM my time and HE became a priority in my life.

Fast-forward to February this year. I met a gentlemen that I felt was a good match for me. I explained to him that GOD was number ONE in my life and that I spent time with HIM first. He said he understood that GOD was the head of my life and for the first few weeks I continued to spend time with GOD first and then hang out with the guy I was dating second. As time went on I felt like I was stretching myself then. After working all day I didn’t have time for much else so....I only spent time with GOD in the mornings and my nightly run with GOD went out the door.

A few times during my morning worship with GOD I could tell I was not focused and that my heart and mind was not completely there. Those times were mostly when my personal relationship was not right. Throughout the relationship GOD would show me that I was disobedient by sending me to a scripture that would convict me but I still tried to make everything work out for my good.

Last month I realized that the relationship was not healthy and that I need to get back on track with GOD. I went back to the states and just spent time at home. It was perfect......

I was in a place for GOD to really tell me about myself and more importantly for me to listen. I came back to Kuwait a mess. I called my sisters and friends and told them until I was completely broken I could not talk to them or spend any time on social networks.  The first night I got back from vacation GOD woke me up out of my sleep to tell me that I put man before HIM. When I looked back I realized that I had...it BROKE my heart that I did that to my FATHER. I immediately repented and cried out to HIM

The next couple of days felt so strange. It was like I was a little kid who had disappointed their parent. I wanted to be under GOD but I was so ashamed (like Adam and Eve) that I was hiding from HIM. One morning I was standing in front of the mirror and GOD said I have forgiven you and no longer remember your sins you need to do the same so you can move on. I talked to one of my girlfriends later that morning and she also said I needed to forgive myself and even led me in prayer to let go of the guilt. I needed to move on.....

I desire more than anything to have an intimate relationship with GOD...HE IS FIRST over all things! I am thankful to HIM for RESTORATION, GRACE and MERCY!

I would like to thank my mom who fasted and prayed for me during this time....YOU ROCK WOMAN OF GOD!

Psalms 23:3

Psalms 119:25-40 

Blessings

A'keta Julinate'

GOD's LOVE

Sunday past was Father's Day and while I was in church GOD reminded me of a time in my life that I yearned for the love of my biological father.  I was in my early 20s and had met my biological father a few times only for him to deny my brother and I on all occasions.  Growing up I felt rejected by him and it affected my life.  I can remember crying over him and wishing he loved my brother and I like he loved his others kids.  IT HURT!  As I got older and started dating the rejection affected my relationships.  I didn't feel pretty enough or adequate enough because if my own father didn't love me then how can anyone else.

When I was about 25 GOD delivered me! Hallejuah I was at church one Sunday and I can remember being in  pain (emotionally) and crying out to GOD.  GOD met me there at the alter.  HE wrapped me in HIS arms and said "CRY no more over this man. I have sent you two dads that love you unconditionally and NOT only that I am your DADDY.  I am here for you ALWAYS!" 

At that moment I was delivered from the spirit of rejection and my biological father's actions no longer affected me.  GOD was right I had two DADS who loved me..mistakes and all!  LOL  Most importantly MY GOD LOVED ME!

Two years later when I got married I was okay when my biological father declined my invitation to my wedding.  My wonderful Fathers Otis and James and my twin brother Antonius (who as always acted like my daddy...lol) walked me down the aisle. 

Today I still pray for my biological father that GOD will deliver him and I wish him well.

Thank you GOD for reminding me of where you brought me from!  Thank you for your unconditional LOVE!  Thank you for taking care of every situation in my life!  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DADDY!

Ephesians 3: 17-19

1 Corinthians 13:13

Blessings
A'keta Julinate'